Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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