Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
