i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
