he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
