If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
