if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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