Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
