Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
