I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
