What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
