The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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