my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
