So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
