He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
