Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
