If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
