Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
