i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
