A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
BRING THE BAGELS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
