no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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