I think my vagina is haunted
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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