Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
