WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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