you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
