It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
