Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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