Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
