another moral hangover. fuck.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
