I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
