It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
