if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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