I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
