i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
