I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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