A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
