Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
