is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
