make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
