So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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