God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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