i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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