Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
