She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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