Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
