who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
