break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
