apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
