I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
