Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
