dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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